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Six Steps To Becoming Closer To Self-Transcendence As A Coach

Post written by:

Mrs Joké Coker (JC) LEAD COACH, Constellation Coaching Group LLC. Master Practitioner of NLP, Licensed NLP Coach Trainer, Member ICF.

A good example of a person who personified exemplary levels of self-transcendence is Nelson Mandela, who was locked in prison for 27 years by the apartheid government in South Africa. He spent 18 of his 27 prison years under very harsh conditions, restricted to a small cell that lacked basic amenities and being forced to engage in hard labor.

Eventually, Mandela regained his freedom and ultimately became the first black president of South Africa. He could have used his position as president to unleash revenge against the perpetrators of apartheid. However, to the relief of his previous captors and the consternation of others, Mandela chose to look past the pain and inhumane treatments and even subdued his own natural, emotional yearning for vengeance. He had a fixed vision on his goal of developing a country that would correct its past errors, heal past wounds and be a home to all its citizens. His self-transcendence gave South Africa the opportunity to take its place in the comity of nations.

Transcendence is a key tool for leaders, both political and corporate. Life coaches also play a leadership role, as we help clients discover a life of happiness and meaning.

There have been various debates, discussions and theories on the subject of happiness. However, from the early years, happiness has always been conceived as consisting of two aspects: hedonia, which is based on the notion that to be happy is to experience more pleasure than pain—to have more positive moments than negative ones; and eudaimonia, which is based on the idea that happiness comes from being in a contented state because you are experiencing a well-lived life, a life of purpose and growth.

In recent times, there have been some unique theories on the concept of happiness developed by the discipline of positive psychology. Prominent among these theories is “authentic happiness,” a theory of happiness expounded by Martin Seligman in his book of the same title in 2002. Seligman propounds that happiness consists of three elements: the pleasant life, the good life and the meaningful life.

The pleasant life involves engaging in those activities that bring you pleasure and excitement. Such activities include taking long walks in the evening, watching a movie, or hanging out at a coffee shop or diner.

The good life involves utilizing your core abilities and skills in endeavors that will make your life richer and more fulfilling. The fulfillment that comes from achieving the good life arises from being engaged in an activity that aligns with your unique strength.

The meaningful life is about contributing to the greater good through the use of your strengths and talents. As you harness these in ways that benefit others, you enrich the world and make it a better place for all.

As a coach, your task requires you to focus less on your own needs and challenges. The moment a coach-coachee relationship begins, an effective coach will put aside her own needs. She puts aside her own challenges, biases and paradigms, listens without judgment, and asks open-ended questions that help the client reflect, reframe and review his options and actions.

The most effective way to achieve this dimension is through self-transcendence. However, achieving self-transcendence requires mindfulness and intentionality. As a coach, there are a number of things you can intentionally do to increase the extent of your self-transcendence. These include the following:

1. Reflect. Take time out to think about your current state of being. As a person and a coach, are you happy? Make a mental note to enjoy your daily experiences or even start a gratitude journal, savoring daily encounters mindfully. By keeping a gratitude journal, you are reminded daily of the many positive things in your life that you may otherwise have taken for granted. Since you are experiencing positive feelings about your life, it will be relatively easier for you to transcend beyond yourself and focus on the needs of your clients and how you can help them achieve joy and serenity.

2. Select. Select which joyful experience you wish to focus on at the end of each day in your meditation. As a coach, practicing meditation will help you ultimately transcend beyond self-absorption so that you will always be able to focus on your clients’ needs in order to help them achieve centeredness and greater feelings of calm, peace and clarity.

3. Impart. Share your learning on enhanced living with your clients. You may even talk to them about your gratitude journal. This way, you will be able to transcend beyond yourself and achieve greater results with your clients because you are focused on doing them good through your work with them.

4. Impact. The joy you experience in your work as a coach will empower you to go into each coaching session with an attitude of transcendence, focusing on truly helping your clients. This is because doing what you do brings you absolute pleasure. Practicing random acts of kindness also helps you find pleasure in your work, no matter the prevailing situation.

5. Review. Always take time to review how embarking on the changes made above is helping you achieve transcendence so that you can achieve better results with your clients.

6. Repeat. Commit to doing more of Steps 1 to 5 in the weeks ahead.

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Nine Ways To Build Trust And Overcome Pushback In The Workplace – Forbes Coaches Council

A workplace should have a diverse range of professionals working there, providing unique perspectives and experiences. Usually, such a combination produces more well-rounded discussions, a more inclusive workplace environment and better-balanced products. However, as you add more people into a group, you will occasionally encounter pushback between professionals on how things should get done: Everyone has their preferred ways of doing things, and they don’t always gel.

Whether talking about the dynamic between individuals or teams, pushback is a natural part of the growing process. One of the most effective approaches for getting past pushback is to build trust. Below, members of Forbes Coaches Council outline their most effective strategies for building trust to overcome barriers. Here’s what they advise:

1. Explore Possibilities

The “what if?” question is an underused technology in leadership conversations today. When people only consider their current state, and don’t allow themselves to rise above it for a moment and dream about possibilities, they tend to defend the status quo. Give them permission to dream for a moment, ask “What if” questions to explore the possibilities, and it will free the conversation. – Aric Wood, XPLANE

2. Use Humor

You can always earn trust by giving something vulnerable to others. This will sound funny, but humor is the quickest and most impactful way to earn trust in a vulnerable way. Think of the physical response for laughing. The chin rises exposing the neck. This primitive response is equal to immediate acceptance. Bring a cheesy joke to start your next conversation and you’ll always be glad you did. – Brian Harman, Business Management Hallmark

3. Look At It From A Different Perspective

It always helps to understand the position from someone else’s perspective. We all come from different backgrounds, so it’s important to meet people where they are. To do this, you might need to break down your own barriers and your own pushback to reach someone else. We rarely consider our own pushback to dealing with another person’s pushback. – Catie Harris, NursePreneurs

4. Reassure Them

Clients are sometimes resistant to change because they are afraid of the uncertainty that comes with trusting someone else. Reassure your clients that you are completely bought into their success. Ease their apprehension by reminding them of their goals and how your expertise is suited to aide in their success. Most importantly be consistent in your willingness to both listen and deliver results. – Latasha Weatherspoon, The Lifted Lifestyle®

5. Approach From The Opposite Direction

I find a great way to engage teams and build trust amongst themselves is to approach a challenging issue from the opposite direction. For example, if we want to build trust, I will have the team look at what we could do if we wanted to lose trust. We identify the behaviors and the opposites, rank them in importance and then rank the team against them. This leads to candid conversation and solutions. – Michael Vann, The Vann Group

6. Help Them Notice Their Resistance

One of the most powerful ways of dealing with pushback is asking the client why they hired you. It’s a subtler way of reminding them what they want from you. Often, it powerfully redirects them internally to notice their own resistance and it dissolves on the spot. Another approach is to share your own experience in a similar situation. The client sees she is not alone and is more open. – Rebecca T. Dickson, Rebecca T. Dickson

7. Talk About Trust

An effective way past the pushback is to sit down with the individual or the team and ask, “Do you trust yourself?” Then ask, “Do you trust me?” Whatever the answer, pay attention to what is said. Why? Because the truth will set you free from the block, and any leader willing to create a safe space to have the tough conversations will begin to build credibility and respect with their team. – Kamille Soler, The Ultimate LYFE

8. Communicate Openly And Be Consistent

Openness, communication and consistent behavior build trust, and trust equals consistent behavior over time. People tend to trust what they know. Help them become familiar with the new process or concept and let them experience the benefits therein. It’s like getting a new phone: You have to turn it on and play with and soon it becomes a valuable companion. – Joké Coker, Constellation Coaching Group

9. Listen With Fresh Ears

An effective approach to building trust is listening. It’s simple even though not always easy. So often we are thinking of a response rather than listening to the speaker. It is also important to listen with fresh ears, meaning don’t base the conversation or your response on past conversations or encounters with the speaker. Every conversation is a new opportunity to exchange crucial information. – Claudette Gadsden, Coach Claudette & Associates

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Nine Ways To Encourage Change In Your Organization – Forbes Coaches Council

The beginning of the year is an excellent opportunity for new growth. Whether it’s the new year itself or the start of the new season, there’s just something about the first quarter that makes people more receptive to the idea of change. Don’t waste that receptiveness by failing to enact the change you wish to see.

What changes should you think about implementing? How can leaders take advantage of this open-mindedness to change? To help you start the year off right, 11 members of Forbes Coaches Council share the ways in which they believe leaders can enact effective change in the first quarter. Here’s what they advise:

Members discuss a few ways people can tap into the start of the year in order to bring about change.Photos courtesy of the individual members.

1. Show Your Appreciation

Meeting with key colleagues one-on-one for coffee or a quick lunch at the start of the year can reignite communication and generate ideas. Most importantly, these simple sessions underscore that you appreciate the value of those in your professional world. – Paul Marinaccio, Tribeca Leadership

2. Improve Communication

Leaders can take advantage of the new year by making this the year they and their teams have more clear concise conversations. So often, we don’t realize the importance of internal dialogue which impacts every external conversation. When we create better conversations in the workplace, productivity is increased along with employee engagement and team cohesiveness. – Claudette Gadsden, Coach Claudette & Associates

3. Practice Self-Transcendence

Leadership is an action: a verb, not a noun. Leaders strive to add value continually. Change begins with an internal decision to make better choices. A new year provides a compelling line in the sand, a universal unit of newness. That brings with it an urge to be better, do better and live better. Now is the time to practice self-transcendence. Get over yourself and you’ll go further. – Joké Coker, Constellation Coaching Group

4. Go On A Self Retreat

I advise leaders to go on a self retreat before the new year or at the very start of the year. A self retreat requires them to go away for at least two to three days, get off the electronic grid (no social media, TV, news, radio, etc.), and do a thorough process of review, reflection and what I like to call, “brain dumping.” The purpose of the retreat is to gain clarity, alignment and energy for change. – Kamille Soler, The Ultimate LYFE

5. Identify Goals

A great way for leaders to take advantage of the new year is to develop a strategic vision for the coming year. Every year I revisit my 10-year and three-year plan and create a one-year plan that identifies the SMART goals I want to achieve in the coming year. Mine are both personal and business related. I then create an action plan for how I’m going to accomplish my goals. – Michael Vann, The Vann Group

6. Shift Your Business Culture

The new year is the perfect time for recalibration. It is a great time to introduce new policies and procedures or freshen up standards that do not best serve your organization. Use the momentum brought on by entering a new year to shift the culture of your business or organization. – Latasha Weatherspoon, The Lifted Lifestyle®

7. Practice Self-Awareness And Public Speaking

Two things. First, stand-out leaders have the highest self-awareness. That requires meditation which is an impactful exercise in self-awareness. Second, stand-out leaders are expert public speakers. If you’re not already in Toastmasters, get involved there or somewhere where you can practice weekly. – Brian Harman, Business Management Hallmark

8. Be Present In The Now

Change is about experiencing what you want for the future. Being present in the now and feeling what you want for the future are sure-fire ways to become successful at whatever goal you set for yourself. – Catie Harris, NursePreneurs

9. Find Feedback

Seek out feedback and listen to it. Try some new behaviors and ask those who have given you feedback to let you know when you are doing better or falling back into old behaviors. – Chuck Berke, Berke Associates

10. Lean Into Change

The best way to take advantage of any opportunity for change is to embrace it — lean into it and paint your mind with possibility. Too many people fear or resist change subconsciously, which means even though they think they want change, their behavior stays the same. Leaning into change means choosing, every day, to do things differently and inviting your audience to do the same. – Rebecca T Dickson, Rebecca T. Dickson

11. Refresh Your Vision

Just like we look at the new year with fresh eyes in our personal life, now is the time to refresh your vision for the company you lead. What change are you going to create in the next year? Where will the company go? How can employees engage in helping the business achieve its vision? Consider beginning the year working with your team to revise or refresh your vision, and make it clear to all. – Aric Wood, XPLANE

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Joke Coker admitted into The Forbes Coaches Council

The CEO & Lead Coach, of Constellation Coaching Group LLC, Mrs. Joké Coker, has been admitted into The Forbes Coaches Council. USA. Joke Coker, JC.

The CEO & Lead Coach, of Constellation Coaching Group LLC, Mrs. Joké Coker, has been admitted into The Forbes Coaches Council. USA. Joke Coker, JC. She has become an Official Member of Forbes Coaches Council

Forbes Coaches Council, an invitation only community for leading business and career coaches. Mrs. Coker was vetted and selected by a review committee based on the depth and diversity of her experience. Founder of Forbes Councils, Scott Gerber said: “We are honored to welcome Joké Coker into the community. Our mission with Forbes Councils is to bring together proven leaders from every industry, creating a curated, social capital driven network that helps every member grow professionally and make an even greater impact on the business world.”

In response, Joke Coker said: “I am grateful to have been invited to such an exclusive group of global leaders in the coaching community.

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Joke Coker Receives National Recognition by National Association of Professional Women NAPW (USA)

The National Association of Professional Women (NAPW) offers a prestigious annual award, the Women of the Year Circle Award, to a handful of its members. These VIP members have shown an exceptional level in their field. You cannot apply for this award; you have to be selected. This year, Mrs. Oyejoke Coker has been invited into the Women of the Year Circle for her outstanding excellence as an Executive Life Coach and NLP Coach Trainer TM with Constellation Coaching Group. The NAPW looks for three criteria when choosing their award recipients: they seek women who have achieved success within their career for several years; they seek women who are successful in a male-dominated industry; and they seek women who give back to society through charities/non-profits. Oyejoke was
chosen because she meets all three of the criteria. Lynda McKenzie, NAPW Membership Specialist, says, “In Mrs. Coker’s case, her career has been focused on helping her clients, mostly other women, secure an empowered future, a vital component of anyone’s personal and professional success. She has been nationally recognized for her accomplishments. She also shares her knowledge with her community at large as a CEO of Constellation Coaching Group, also as an Executive Life Coach and NLP Coach Trainer™. All of these factors contributed to her selection for an invitation to join the VIP Membership of the NAPW.” Kim Bradford, also of NAPW, states, “Oyejoke is a shining star.” Kim says that Oyejoke has “amazing insight in her expertise, Coaching and NLP.” She is an “amazing trainer and Life Coach.” She also finds Oyejoke to be a great motivator and public speaker and affirmed that the members of NAPW were all in agreement that she would make a great subject for an in-depth article.


The NAPW is the largest business network for professional women in the US. It spans almost every industry and profession, and it has over 850,000 members coming from diverse backgrounds. Their mission is: “To provide an exclusive, highly advanced networking forum to successful women executives, professionals and entrepreneurs. Professional women interact, exchange ideas, advance their knowledge and empower each other.” **

The networking community makes it possible for women to promote their business, product or service while making connections with other professionals in their field. The NAPW Career Center helps women to achieve their goals by matching their skills to higher level positions and by training/certifying them for those positions they seek.


Constellation Coaching Group (CCG) offers: coaching (including executive coaching, life coaching, career coaching, business coaching, employee motivation, and team development). Constellation, whose name connotes a collection of stars, believe everyone has a star inside them, and their goal is to help individuals reach their fullest potential. *** Therefore, CCG is quite honored to have its lead coach, Joke Coker, receive such recognition and a prestigious award NAPW. The NAPW aligns well with Constellation Coaching Group’s belief in human excellence. With the right mindset and encouragement, everyone has the chance to reach excellence and achieve their goals.



** Wikipedia contributors, “National Association of Professional Women,” Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, (accessed April 19, 2017).
***  April 19, 2017
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Moms as Coaches

Moms as Coaches



According to Coach Coker “A coach’s role is to help people Clarify, Focus and Execute their goals. Mothers play this role more often than they know.” Parents are the first coaches a child will ever have. Not to take away recognition from Dad, but it is almost Mothers’ Day, so this article focuses on Mom. We help our babies learn to roll over, crawl, walk, talk, share, and use the potty, but what else should we be teaching them? When our babies become school-age, there are new skill sets to learn on top of the education that is taking place within the school, and these should be taught in the home. Mom to the rescue.


Ages 5-12


As our children grow, they will sometimes have to face failure. We can use this as a learning experience by teaching them optimism. Yes, sometimes we have setbacks, but we can’t succeed at something if we never try it. We teach them to focus on solutions, not problems. Persistence should be rewarded in addition to success, as this helps our children develop resilience. They should be taught to win and lose gracefully as well.

Take an interest in what interests your children as they start to learn about the world around them. Helping them to have multiple interests will set them up for different opportunities in life and will help them find more successes. Whenever possible, connect what interests them to something they may be learning, or will learn, at school. Do they like to help you cook? Use measuring the ingredients for a fun math lesson. Keep the learning fun, though, by adapting to your children’s learning styles. Some will learn better by listening, while some will learn better by seeing, and still others will learn best by doing. Confucius said, “I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.”

Building your children’s self-esteem is a very important job, as they are likely to carry these thoughts throughout their life. Praise for every achievement isn’t enough either. Our children need to be taught to take risks, make choices, solve problems, and to finish things they start. We need them to learn to be competent in addition to feeling loved and secure. This takes patience and practice; they won’t be great at everything on the first try, and they need to know that this is okay. Failure is something we can’t always rescue them from, but that shouldn’t make them afraid to try. Children need to learn from their mistakes just as adults do. Let your children make decisions and then take responsibility for them. If they want a messy bedroom, consider letting them have it. They’ll see the difference between their room and the rest of the house and can decide for themselves if that’s what they want. Even very young children can learn to pick up clothes, toys, and how to make their bed. Even when they make bad decisions, though, they should know your love is unconditional. Teach your children to aim high, but make sure the goals are within their grasp and are at a level appropriate for their ability. We don’t want them to set themselves up for failure.


Ages 13-19


The terrible teens . . . We remember them well. Teenagers will test their boundaries and our patience on a regular basis. With harder coursework at school, puberty, and peer pressure, it can be expected. It’s that time when a child wants to see what he or she is made of. They are also (still) watching us and learning from the examples we set that will lead them into adulthood. Trying to fit in at school isn’t as easy as it once was, as the kids begin to associate with different cliques, and popularity becomes a contest. They will roll their eyes at us, make hurtful statements just to get a reaction, and will probably ignore us in public if peers are nearby, but we love them. We’re their moms. Don’t worry, though, because even if they act otherwise, they still value your opinion. Momma knows best, right? We must show them the difference between good and bad peer pressure. Your teen will likely mimic behaviors of his or her friends, so it’s good to encourage healthy friendships with multiple peers. If they have one close friend, and they get into a fight . . . Well, we know how that turns out. Teens watch our relationships with our peers and learn from that, so do you set a good example?

Be certain to spend quality time with your teen and show that you are listening to him or her and are still interested in their interests. Still provide your teen with new opportunities to learn through activities and conversations with you. What they don’t learn at home, they are going to learn from somewhere else, and that’s not always something we want. Sometimes, we would like to filter information our teens are gathering (i.e. the birds and the bees). That is something they won’t likely bring up to you, so you may have to reach out to them.

Make sure your teen feels trust with you. You trust him or her to make some decisions, but he or she needs to know that they are going to be held accountable for unhealthy choices. Discuss healthy options with your teen and see how he or she can be a positive influence on others. When your child helps another, it helps to build his or her self-esteem. Our teens long to feel important. They want to know that they can impact the world and the lives of others, but they also want to know what they will get out of it. What’s in it for me? As their coach, you need to sometimes tell or show them, and help build the motivation to carry out certain tasks. Homework, for example, is something your teen will probably dread. They may not see the practicality of learning algebra or US history, but they need to realize it has its place and isn’t useless knowledge. Help your teen to realize that tasks that seem meaningless have a purpose in his or her life’s greater goals. We do work because work needs to be done.

Even teens expect rewards, so use that to your advantage when assigning chores. If a weekly allowance isn’t in your budget, think of another way to reward their efforts. Your teen will learn that sometimes we do the things we don’t want to do in order to enjoy the things we desire. For example, we earn paychecks not just for everyday essentials, but to save up for a vacation. Surely, there is something they desire that hard work will bring them closer to achieving.


Your adult child


Just because your children have left the nest, it doesn’t mean that they don’t need your influence in their lives anymore. They will still seek advice on relationships, jobs, and how to get by on a budget as they journey out on their own. They may even need to move back home for financial reasons at some point. Of course, if that happens, they aren’t wanting to be treated like a child; they just want you to be supportive and understanding of whatever it is they are going through. If you don’t address the issues at hand, though, they may start acting like a teenager again. Therefore, it’s a good idea to discuss what is going on, what they want to see happen to make things better, and how you can help to get them there. This isn’t to say you should take on their problems; your adult children still need to be accountable for their mistakes. Instead of laying blame, which seems to often be a gut reaction, look at the workable solutions. Help them to be a problem solver instead of dwelling on what has already happened because we can’t change the past. Our children need a clear vision of moving forward, with our continued support and unconditional love.

Remember that as your children grow up, teaching and training are two different things. The first emphasizes words, while the other emphasizes actions. They should start learning responsibility at an early age, so it will flow through their whole lives. Being consistent with your children is important, so they always know that bad decisions have consequences, and they know what those consequences will be.


If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it like your mother told you. Happy Mothers’ Day!


~Beverly Black


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Sally’s Testimonial

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Thank you Coach JOKE!

“When I needed to take the step in making a positive but scary life changing decision, I found my self sitting on the fence. I was finding excuse after excuse not to put myself first; I knew I needed help. I called coach Joke. She propelled me into making the leap that has catalyzed my weight loss journey; I’m now 45 lbs lighter and still losing weight by making better eating and exercise choices. I’m feeling great and loving the ‘new me’.

When you want to make a transformational positive change in your life, your health, or career, call Coach Joke on +1917 525 0544 today. She’ll help you shine like the bright star you were born to be!”

Thank you JC!


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NLP Interview with John La Balle: President of the Society of NLP

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Work Week 1 in 2017-Joyful Welcome

We have just concluded the first working week in 2017!! How did that go? How well did you do towards achieving the goals you had set for yourself in this New Year. Remember, 2017 is a 52-week journey, so how would say week one went?

When we set goals for a new year it gives you the impression that there is time. This gives room for procrastination. The truth is the time to start is now. I’ve heard it said: “ By the yard, it’s hard, but inch by inch everything is a cinch.” Well then, lets set each week as a way to measure the ‘inch by inch’ of our 2017 journey shall we?

It’s not too late! You can start from now and start to make a new ending. There are 3 simple steps to ensuring you achieve your New Year goals:

  1. Write it down
  2. Hold yourself accountable
  3. Celebrate, Affirm and Recalibrate


STEP 1: WRITE IT DOWN RIGHT NOW! Lets start with the very first step, write down your goals for 2017 (no more than 5 broad goals please). Using a table format helps. What would you like to happen in your career, relationships, finances, health and spirit? In front of each goal, put a deadline. Ask yourself what you need to do to achieve each if these goals by the deadlines you have noted. What do you require to achieve each goal? What barriers, behavior and beliefs will you need to overcome?

STEP 2: ACCOUNTABILITY! Hold yourself accountable for your achievements. Your future is a blank canvas; you write or paint on it what you wish. It is not what happens to you that matter, your response to life is what matters most. You can hold a DIY (Do It Yourself) periodic review of your goals or get a personal life coach to help hold you accountable. Whatever way you do, just ensure you measure the steps you are taking weekly / monthly towards achieving success.

STEP 3: CELEBRATE each victory, no matter how little. AFFIRM your convictions in an Affirmation statement that you read out loud to yourself regularly. Daily affirmations are a very great way to maintain resilience, momentum and commitment. Life is going to throw some curved balls your way on your route to success, you will need to have a strong positive mindset to tackle the challenges and keep winning. An example of an affirmation statement is provided below as a guide. Please don’t copy and paste someone else’s affirmation statement. Don’t delay, read it, get inspired and write your own.


“I am a person of incredible value

I am Unique, I am special I am more powerful than I show

I seek self-transcendence

For the improvement of others and myself.

I propel others and myself to pursue our dreams with passion

I am an encourager who takes ownership and responsibility

I have let go of things that hurt or held me back

I am a leader and I make great things happen, one commitment at a time”


And now that we are ready to embrace an awesome year of achievements, lets kick back, relax and have a fun filled weekend. As you rest, recover and retool remember: “the only thing that limits your future, is the limit of your imagination. Never underestimate the power of a visualized dream”.

I’m looking forward with excitement to excellent year on every front! I hope you are too.

Joyful Greetings


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